Archive for poll


Posted in random, skateboarding, snowboarding with tags , , , , , , , , , , on July 31, 2010 by terry


And the winner is;

Congratulations Mike Benson and Casey Wrightsman, 34% of the voters prefer watching your videos over talking to Steve Berra, listening to Jereme Rogers’ mixtape, getting pissed on by Gabby or suicide.  19 voters would rather end it all than be subject to any of the aforementioned activities while a solid quarter of the respondents would rather get soaked by the female snowboarding equivalent of this;

The biggest loser of them all is clearly this dipshit;

and his pitiful excuse for a rap career.  This whole poll was a big joke but I am being 100% sincere when I say that I would much rather get pissed on than have to listen to Jereme Rogers whisper rap to me about how he was, and I quote, “fuckin’ with da lights on.”  I mean obviously I’m not trying to get supersoaked with a bucket of stale urine but given the choice between running that mixtape back to back three times in a row and getting some pee on me I’m going with the pee every time.  It’s quick, easy and resolved with a short shower.  Unfortunately the same can’t be said about Jereme’s ever-expanding collection of regretful tattoos.  He looks like a twelve year old who watched the Deathwish video at a friend’s house then started doodling on himself with a sharpie so he could look hard like Antwan.  Unsurprisingly I’m not the only one who thinks this way;

Whoops.  If for some reason you want to listen to this guy rap to himself while pissing then blow coke in a bathroom then I guess check out this little gem, too;

Thanks for voting, see you next time.



Posted in random, skateboarding, snowboarding with tags , , , , , , , , on July 22, 2010 by terry

you’re walking down the street one day minding your own business and suddenly this thing pulls up next to you;

a bunch of guys in ski masks with machine guns jump out, grab you then throw you in the back of the van and take off.  they put a burlap sack over your head and take you to their secret headquarters where they walk you to an interrogation room.

they sit you down in a folding chair and pull the sack off your head.  as your eyes adjust to the dim light of the room you see a table in front of you and someone sitting in the corner of the room.  there’s a discman on the middle of the table, a styrofoam to-go container next to it, a TV on a stand against the wall and two people sitting on a bench in the corner.  it turns out that your kidnappers have confused you for someone important with vital information that they want but no explaining will get you out of this one.  luckily for you the masked men aren’t complete savages and they’re giving you a choice when it comes to what type of torture they’re going to put you through while trying to extract whatever it is they’re looking for from you.  your options are as follows;


Berra will sit down at the table with you and explain how he will help save your local skateshop by making them pay him a bunch of money to be listed on his website.  PRO TIP: Try to fight the urge to point out that he only started caring about independently owned shops around the same time that him and Koston left Active and started selling uninspired Berrics “collabs” out the back of their warehouse pro playground.  If you’re lucky he might give you some tips on how to maximize your brand’s profitability by selling shitty “slightly stained” pop culture reference t-shirts for the low low price of $22 USD plus shipping;

or by having other amazing bargains like a $25 single color print white T that looks like it was designed by a bored sixth grader who was messing around with clip art in MS Word during fourth period typing class;

After Berra is done championing himself as the savior of the skate industry he will lecture you on the tenants of his Scientologist faith such as requiring costly payments to advance your standing in the church*, sending death threats to critics of your Church’s practices, and really terrible science fiction.

*now that I think about it there are some similarities to the Berrics Unified.  weird..


the goons compiled a playlist of every single knife show edit ever made (minus the magic flashlights one because that’s actually entertaining) and you have to watch all of them back to back and every time the playlist ends the kidnappers take it from the top.  you have to watch every single swivel, every single effect, every single appearance of their rat dogs and more mountain high footage than even mountain high locals would ever want to see.


just imagine 50 tracks of this back to back for 24 hours straight



the other person steps out from the darkness and it’s gabby.  she’s gonna pee all over you and she’s been drinking coffee and eating asparagus all day.  and she’s got a yeast infection.  it’s gonna get in your hair and possibly mouth.  if you’re a chick then just replace gabby with her alter-ego who digs at windells as pictured above, same scenario.


the nuclear option: grab the kidnapper’s gun and blow your brains out.

choose wisely.

the votes are in….

Posted in snowboarding, Uncategorized with tags , on August 7, 2009 by terry

sexy new poll

Posted in snowboarding, Uncategorized with tags , , , on July 24, 2009 by terry
so I’m adding a poll to the blog and of course the obvious first poll is which female pro snowboarder do you want to hump the most? let’s review our options…

jamie anderson was born in 1990 which means she’s totally legal to hump but it also means that she was born in the fucking 1990s and that kinda weirds me out.  i mean yeah justin gyp is a 90s baby and he’s pretty legit but the concept of humping a chick who was born in a different decade than i was is still a little disconcerting.  i’m not saying i wouldn’t do it i’m just sayin it’d probably be weird for a minute and then i would notice my boner and move on with my life.

i was once quoted as saying that making out with hades would be like making out with your grandma but only if you got a down-ass grandma who parties harder than you and gives you tips on how to convince girls to give you dome and is probably a freak in bed.  fuck.  now i wanna make out with my grandma.

i guess alexis is hot because whenever it’s her signature session at camp all i hear is dudes talkin bout how they wanna bone ‘lexi.’  what a fucking retarded nickname.  are you 12 years old?  there are certain names that people give up when they become adults and i don’t want to hurt any feelings but if you’re nearing 30 and you still are referred to with a kid version of your real name please set the record straight and tell people to use your real name.  where the hell am i even going with this.

the only reason i put her on here is because apparently there are a ton of sno-bros between the ages of 18-30 who grew up spankin’ it to tara and still would take her down today (JUSTIN GYP SHE’S SIXTEEN YEARS OLDER THAN YOU THAT’S ALMOST DOUBLE YOUR AGE) but i just don’t get it.  whatever, vote for her if you want you weirdos.

is there seriously anyone out there who doesn’t think she’s going to walk away with this one??  pretty much the finest girl snowboarder anyone knows and she’s been put on this earth for one thing; no, not snowboarding, torah bright exists to prove that the heavenly father has a sense of humor.  do yall remember back in the day when torah was wicked young and was some weird gangly girl with the funny accent from austrailia??  well let’s just say that roxy’s hail mary pass paid off because she grew up to be wicked hot.  the other day i was talking with some sno-bros and we were discussing wether or not we would ride gross all-over print roxy outerwear all season just to get once chance to get in those guts and the general consensus was that most would do it.  well either way you could wear all the fruity gear you want but last time i checked torah had a deep and lasting love for the church of jesus christ and latter day saints and is shacked up with jake welch, another mo-pro.  i guess they spend their time together drinking watered down hot chocolate and knitting beanies for their little cousins or something.
hahahahaha just kiddin!
anyway vote for your pick and maybe someday your dream will come true.  i guess if there’s some super fly babe i forgot to add you can leave your vote in the comments or somethin.

P.S. i’m copyrighting the term ‘mo-pro’