Archive for facebook

join the ‘That Baker 3 Guy Fan Club’ on facebook

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on March 14, 2010 by terry

CLICK HERE NOW DO IT DO IT DO IT

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we have got to do something

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on March 2, 2010 by terry

before global warming destroys one of my favorite hot dog toppings/winter meals

thanks drew

WHERE ARE THEY NOW: chicks i had a crush on in high school

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 18, 2010 by terry

I was checking my facebook while waiting for a call from hondo (who too cooled me bigtime. go fuck yourself, pal) and saw that some girl I knew from highschool was tagged in a photo. note that this is a girl that I literally have not talked to since probably 9th, maybe 10th grade yet still thought that we had a close enough connection to request to be my friend on THE BOOK. being the fledgling internet superstar I wish I was I accepted her request, especially considering that she passed the one test I have for social networking sites (I have to know you and not hate your guts IRL (in real life)). anyway like I said she got tagged in a photo and out of an equal mix of boredom and curiosity I clicked the link. big mistake.

no don’t! stop! attn: girls of the world; stop doing stupid shit like this, it’s not foxy and if a dude thinks that it is then best of luck to the both of you. i delved a little further and this was her default

I call it “weird, it’s not even cold in here yet I still just had a totally random shiver run down my spine.” do you like scary movies? I do because it’s fun sometimes to watch something that puts you on edge for a hour or two and then be able to walk away from it unharmed. yeah I guess sometimes you might get a little creeped out at night with all the lights off after getting stoned and watching the second VHS tape of stephen king’s “it” by yourself in your apartment but most of the time it’s just good-hearted fun watching a scary movie with your friends and watching people’s reactions at the hectic parts. anyway, if that sort of stuff appeals to you then here’s my suggestion; if you really want to give yourself a jolt then just take the above photo, blow it up to poster size then staple it to the ceiling above your bed and see if waking up to that look in the morning doesn’t wake you up quicker than a tall pot of coffee and a hard slap to the mouth.

now i guess awkward facebook photos are pretty common and even I’ve fallen victim to the horrors of “Photos of You That You Wish Would Have Gotten Deleted Immediately and Weren’t Documented Forever on the Internet”

but i try to take it in stride and don’t untag myself or anything (for the record people who do this are pussies). the thing that got me intrigued was that at one point in my life, probably during middle school, I remember having a tiny lil baby sized crush on this girl. remembering this got my gears churning and i decided to do a little internet detective work and check in on a few of the chicks from my highschool years that I pined for. here’s a small sampling of what i found

SUBJECT #1

met this girl my freshman year in highschool, i remember seeing her working at a pet shop in town and thinking she was wicked cute then later met her at your typical high school “i have an acoustic guitar, know how to play “blackbird” on it, and my english teacher said he can get the principal to let us use the teacher’s lounge friday night” coffeehouse at school. almost got kicked out of school for selling weed to the headlining act of a music festival we organized, had a boyfriend who went to another school. ouch.

WHERE IS SHE NOW

recently shaved her head and moved to san diego. kinda looks like anthony pappalardo now

WHAT’S THE STORY?
would probably go a couple hours out of my way on a roadtrip to smoke weed and giggle at stupid high school stories and inside jokes, sleep on the couch then head out the next morning.

SUBJECT #2

my best friend dated this girl for something like two months over the summer between middle and high school (aka .) i remember getting wicked jealous about a story he told me that involved her dumping the tits in an alleyway and him getting a mouthful only for both of them to get wicked bad poison ivy on the aforementioned body parts. they broke up, she went to the catholic high school in town, at one point I asked her if I could borrow her brother’s DMX cds. i’m pretty sure I later asked her on a date via instant messenger. it didn’t work out.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
apparently she’s a second grade teacher or something along those lines. went to college in hometown, can only assume that she still resides in the lehigh valley.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
I think I was drunk facebooking a year or two ago and added her as a friend thinking that there would be someday where I’d go back to bethlehem and would meet up for cocktails and we could laugh about the extremely limited crossover our lives had. probably realized this was absolutely fucking retarded when I sobered up and have never spoken a word or sent a message since being added as friends on facebook. not even a poke.

SUBJECT #3

storytime: had a crush on this chick in school cause she was wicked cute and was real unassuming. i guess she had some shitty boyfriend from parkland who pulled some greasy shit on her on the regular and being the captain save-a-ho (i mean that in the best way possible) that I was I dreamed of a day that I could swoop her from joey dumbnuts and let her know what a real dude was like. anyway, a girl I knew who was good friends with her took some meathead to homecoming my senior year and said meathead got in a fight at the dance. being that it was a high school dance they had gotten pretty tuned up prior to showing up and in the scuffle he took a swing at his opponent, missed and ended up accidentally decking his date (not my crush) in the mouth. as someone who Didn’t Get Faded in high school I considered this story pretty funny and on the monday morning afterwards I found myself telling it to my good friend ed blammo while walking through the halls of liberty high. I had just finished the story as we were walking down a long hallway and no more than 10 seconds later my crush + the girl who got laced up with some knuckles walked through the doors at the end of the hall. seeing as I just got done talking about how one of them had caught an errant fist to the mouth it was only fitting that both ed and I started laughing as soon as we realized who was walking towards us. fast forward six months and I had ended up becoming friends with the accidental female pugilist. in a moment of guilt I asked if she had remembered the day when we crossed paths in the halls and she said that she did. I broke down the story just like I have right here and she laughed then told me that both of them had wrote the situation off because they had assumed that I was giggling because I had a crush on her friend. now generally I don’t like to fall back on lousy internet memes but when she told me this I experienced one of the biggest “”””FML”””” feelings I’ve ever felt. the crushing embarrassment of being viewed as the type of person who would break out in uncontrollable giggling when confronted with a crush (at age 17, no less!) compounded with my youthful shyness would not allow me to set the record straight. for all I know she still thinks I was giggling because I liked her.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
went to school in philly, now lives a couple blocks from where I used to work in alphabet city new york. she works for some sort of new millennium advertising firm that, as far as I can tell, deals heavily with more contemporary outlets like blogs and twitter and facebook, et al. interestingly enough she hit me up after recognizing me on a friend’s gimmick tumblr. oh yeah, she’s wifed up, too

seeing as I already used the term “FML” and linked to a web 2.0 tumblr the only way I can really finish this portion is by saying 😦

WHAT’S THE STORY?
since we had a connection after she randomly got at me after recognizing my face off the internet (outside of facebook, natch) I might message her the next time I’m in new york. if I’m lucky her boyfriend won’t monitor her facebook inbox and we can go to some martini bar on the lower east side and have an awkward conversation over $14 cocktails while I get constantly reminded that if I had just stayed in new york I would probably have a really well paying job and wouldn’t live in low income housing and be on government assistance. welp.

SUBJECT #4

one of my friends aaron was absolutely infatuated with this girl for a solid month or two in school and then once she actually showed some interest in him they made out and dated (I use that term in the “HI IM NOT AN ADULT AND I DON’T COMPREHEND THE CONCEPT OF DATING YET” way) for about two days before he decided that he was completely over her. after this I think I imagined the possibility of me and her hanging out a few times and I will use that as a qualifier for this article

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
I just really wanted to include this girl so that I could post this picture because it’s pretty funny

there was another girl I’m friends with on facebook who had really entry-level snowboarding photos that I deemed worthy to include but later realized that the pictures would not even be close to contending the above photo. plus I never really had a crush on her, it was more of your typical high school “gee I wonder what it would be like to have sex with her” curiosity so here we are.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
is a grad student at the only college I ever actually wanted to go to, lives in brooklyn. I would probably have a really good time hanging out with her the next time I went back east. typing all this out might be the catalyst for me to get in contact with her the next time I go home.

SUBJECT #5

if memory serves me right this girl asked me out on a date in middle school (read: commandeered one of her friends to ask me if I wanted to go to the ice skating rink with her on a friday/saturday night (double read: get dropped off by my mom, spend a few awkward minutes holding hands and doing laps around the rink sandwiched between glaring friends)). I was way into it and then my dad dragged me to philly for something on the night of our “date” and I left her hanging wicked hard. she was super smart in high school and I had a very close group of friends that I never strayed that hard from so we didn’t really cross paths much more.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
again, if memory serves me right she graduated from a prestigious philly college with a ridiculously complex degree/minor, got engaged and then broke it off with her high school boyfriend, and is now in grad school for something equally above my head. last spring when I was in philly I caught up with her at one of ed’s parties, proceeded to get blacked out, then later picked a fight with her current boyfriend under a cherry tree because he was talking greasy to ed’s roommate, someone I had know for all of about 6 hours.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
would be down to hang out and reminisce for a hour or so and then feel insanely inadequate when I compare my meager accomplishments in life to her academics. oh yeah?? your master’s degree is cool but one time I did a hardway back 270 onto a rail at bear mountain.

SUBJECT #6

another girl that aaron was hollerin at for a minute. nothing ever really played out and I didn’t realize that I had a crush on her until way after the fact. was a grade below me, moved away and didn’t talk to her for a hot minute (more on this later!)

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
i think she was out of the country for awhile, probably during the same time when she was taking photos that made me jealous like this;

lived in new york, facebook claims her current city as philly. don’t know much more than that, not about to creep on wall posts to find out more. again, really wanted to repost that photo because it’s way cooler than any of my facebook photos.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
got in touch with her last spring when I was home, was supposed to go out drinking only to be thwarted by the fact that my dad lives about as far out from the city as possible. tried to meet up the next day only to get cut short by my impending flight back to salt lake, would def. hang out given the chance, would probably be very fun to do the back-in-the-day thing then talk about cooler shit.

SUBJECT #7

ok, you know “THE FRIEND ZONE?” I lived that shit for a solid 2 1/2 years of my life. right around when all the kids my age started hanging out with members of the opposite sex for real I met this girl. I had a bunch of fun watching shitty TV in her mom’s house but was hopelessly in love with her for the majority of the time, despite the fact that she kicked it with a bunch of stoners and I was your typical high school straight edge kid who didn’t care much about what other people did. long story short I wisened up when she asked me to a school dance then bounced all of about three minutes after we showed up and got faded with another crowd. this is already getting entirely too emo for a dirty kids posts so I’m just gonna go ahead and cut this portion of the story off right here.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
remember when I said she hung out with a bunch of stoners? yeah? ok, well, here’s a recent photo

WHAT’S THE STORY?
last time I was home I got pretty faded and felt that it would be cool to hang out, you know, for old time’s sake. the next day when I was hungover and my facebook message inbox had a little red 1 next to it I immediately regretted my decision.

SUBJECT #8

ok, I’m stretching the rules a little on this one. I never really had a crush on this girl in high school but I developed one later on in life out of sheer ‘WHAT-IF’ factor. when I was in school there was the ultimate love decahedron with this chick. I think within a year and a half I had four or five different homies that were way into her and were constantly vying for her eye, even when we’d go to spots to skate. nothing is more awkward than trying to ollie some stupid 5 stair while having a close friend tell you how into a chick he is while she’s 50 yards away having an intimate conversation with another one of your homies. anyway, everyone knew a girl in school who seemed like she was ahead of the curve a bit and this lady was it. my pseudo-crush on this girl was akin to realizing 5 years later that maybe those kids who had long hair, wore a lot of black and listened to metal in high school were on to something.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?

lives in switzerland. totally figures.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
good question. I’m not hopping a flight to europe anytime soon.

SUBJECT #9

I don’t know how big your high school was but mine had 2900 kids. i can promise you that almost every single dude in the school felt the same way that i did; a feeling that can be adequately summed up by watching this youtube

I swear to god, this girl was so coveted that I’m pretty convinced even the wicked flamboyant gay kids in our school mustered up a half-chub when she walked through the halls. once again I’m going to bend the rules on this one, I never had a straight out crush on her but she’s included simply for the ‘boy howdy sometimes i’m glad i can’t get what i want’ factor. i remember having typing class with the douchebag she dated for awhile and really wanting to drop a cinderblock on his head, not just because he was the luckiest dude in the school, more because he was the world’s biggest toolbox

WHERE IS SHE NOW?

probably making a pouty face somewhere

or maybe hanging out with this dude

WHAT’S THE STORY?

SUBJECT #10

ok, so to explain this one I really need you, the reader, to harken back to that first time in your life that you got entirely, intensely captivated with someone for a month and had absolutely no justification for it. for some reason 2+2=7 and it made sense in your brain and anyone else who told you otherwise was a moron for not understanding simple math. well, that happened to me in my senior year of high school. i met a girl who i had never even known of until that moment and then I turned into a retarded person for a few weeks. i had daily discourse with this girl and at one point got her number and called her to ask her on a really stupid-at-the-time date (pumpkin patch and/or haunted hayride, can’t remember, either way if a lady asked me to a date on a haunted hayride there better be a priest at the end because we’re tying the fuckin’ knot (see also: movie date to “drag me to hell”)) only to get softly brushed off. no harm, no foul, whatever, i’d get over it. i found out a day later that she had called up one of my friends and demanded to know where they had drawn the audacity to give me her phone number. this is when I got real pissed and didn’t calm down for a long, LONG time. i was so butthurt about the entire event that when she tried to add me as a friend on facebook a few years back I replied with a message that said something along the lines of “um, we weren’t friends in high school and you were actually pretty rude to me and my friends, why would you want to be my faux internet friend now?” we had a few back-and-forths and I was genuinely ready to squash whatever beef I had with the girl because fuck it, everyone was stupid in high school and probably did some wicked mean shit that they regret and we’ve moved on since then, right? well after driving down to philly to meet up with her only to get arbitrarily blown off I had a little tiny dude in overalls located deep inside my heart bust out his biggest set of bellows and stoke the fires of hatred.

WHERE IS SHE NOW?
probably in philly somewhere, last spring when I was in philly ed schooled me to the fact that our waitress at a restaurant was her roommate and I immediately felt a twinge of anger simply via association.

WHAT’S THE STORY?
95% of me wants to be above it all but the other 5% wants to start indiscriminately karate chopping and facepushing

I figure that 10 is a nice round number so I’ll cut it here. hope you enjoyed reading me ramble about my childish* love interests!

*act like I don’t have another 10 of these in the last 4 years of my life

See you when?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 8, 2010 by tdkyle

though it was neat how these were right next to each other